YEY! I'M BACK!!

My own version of MANIFESTO :

This is my 45th post.

This post is unique and awesome.

Random yet intriguing.

Really intriguing.

I said it because I mean it and no one will judge this post or I will kill you with my bare hands.

Kill.

Torture.

Bury.

All you gotta do is read.

Understand the value of information being formulated.

Understand the information.

Understand the value being formulated.

And by grasping every letter, every word and every punctuation, you will then realize that you have spent half of your life in a trance (of god knows what) compelled by this blog and you will thank me for that.

Star.


*PS I have no intention to be mean on this post. Random post is random. You too should try it. Make a manifesto post!!
Edited by Eunice Delfin. Thanks. :D

RANDOM

That feeling when you just want to punch someone so hard on the face, but realized you can't do it because somehow you feel like your going to end up like "the jerk". Truth is, I keep my disappointment to myself. And a lot of people (i mean few people) think that I'm a big hard-ass bi-polar. Getting mad for no reason? That is some serious mental problem. Yes, I know that it is much better to honestly say what I really feel, and then what? End up with a really bad day with both guilty and non-guilty conscience. Enmity isn't really what I wanted to felt like but somehow it left me with no choice but to keep my mouth silent. And the saddest part is that,I'm the only one who can buckle my own difficulty for reasons I cannot utter. I can't bear handling any consequences that may end up destroying myself and killing someone. 


How I deal with this?... I~

This Doesn't Make Sense

Fuck the times when I thought everything's fine.
Fuck the people who crossed the line.
When thing's happened in a matter of seconds.
All that's been invested is worthless.
It doesn't even rhyme.


I can't even tell what's the matter with me anymore.
The longer I stay the longer it sore.
Am i worth the trust or what?
A question with infinite excuse.
It doesn't even rhyme.


I want to change, I badly want to.
But the more it happened the more I became untrue.
I wanna go someplace where I can find my reflection.
Somewhere alone simply because I have to.
It doesn't even rhyme.

There Is A Progress

She's right. I guess it is okay to be sad sometimes. People may find us weird if we always show our smiles even in the gloomiest situation. It is hard to imagine people like Charlyne Yi having emotional problem when she was young and now ended up as an actress/comedian. I guess it's not impossible to change, for the better of course. But today, social anxiety is what I am currently struggling. The feeling of self-discomfort. And just like Charlyne, everyday I challenge myself to overcome it. Good news is, there is a progress. Now I can say that I'm not alone anymore. (still single though, if that's what you're thinking). I started going out with my classmates, sharing different topics and all. So I say it did actually work. Though it's not actually like something to be proud of. Because I'm trying my best to fit in. That means, most of the time I am trying to be something I am not. But I think what's more important is, I am moving forward of becoming a fully mature human. These experiences are helping me gain my undeveloped mind.

Greatest lesson learned for now: Forget the rules, follow your heart.

P.S

Charlyne Yi by the way is one of the main character from the movie/documentary "PAPER HEART". Together with Micheal Cera. It was a great movie. And that's right, I added Charlyne on facebook and thank god it wasn't a fake account. :D

Without words by Park Shin Hye

I shouldnt have done that,
I should have pretended not to know
like I didnt see it, like I couldnt see it
I shouldnt have looked at you in the first place

I should have run away,
I should have pretended I wasnt listening
like I didnt hear it, like I couldnt hear it
I shouldnt have heard your love in the first place

Without a word you made me know love
Without a word you gave me love
Because you took just a breath and ran away like this
Without a word love leaves me
Without a word love abandons me
Wondering what to say next, my lips were surprised
Because it came without a word.

Why does it hurt so much?
Why does it hurt continuously?
Except for the fact that I can’t see you anymore
And that you’re not here anymore
Otherwise it’s the same as before

Without a word you made me know love
Without a word you gave me love
Because you took just a breath and ran away like this
Without a word love leaves me
Without a word love abandons me
Wondering what to say next, my lips were surprised

The original song is Korean. I love it.  But doesn't mean I can relate to it. though it does sound a little cheezy.  heee :D


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eB5nksyeGNk&feature=related

Guilty Concsience

After a month of finding myself....


Nothing much has change. Nothing much has gained, except my weight. I still don't know how to start off a good essay. Still no cellphone for me (fuck).


But other than that I realized, that I have to sacrifice for certain things. There are aspects in life the wont work unless, you work for it. I'm glad I made the right choice. Accepting ones fault isn't that atrocious. I am happy now. :)


I also found a new site called deviantart. Deviantart is a site for artists, photographers, animators etc. I am not any of them by the way. One day I was bored, so I decided to register. People in there are welcoming. I can see how much they love photography. I just feel so guilty about one thing. Some photos on my deviant account are not mine. And many of them thought it was actually mine. One them even featured my deviation. *guilty conscience*  ahww Im sorry to whoever own those photos. Nuff said. I don't want to get caught to any cyber police out there.


Good vibes, please bear with me even for just this year.

I TALKED TO THE MOON

There are certain times of my life where everything is great. Everything seems to be the way they're supposed to be. 

Everything, but not for me.

Sometimes, I think the world turn it's back on me. Like life is nothing more important than breathing. The world I knew that's full of humor is now gray and dull.

This is the time when I think about others. My little incentive, as they call it.

To think about people who don't even have the time to bother my kind of sadness because of hunger. People who have forgotten to smile just because they're too busy finding a decent home. There could be a lot of them out there who needs more than a smile. Children who lost their childhood just to keep living.

Thinking about them I realized, is my problem really that important? Am I gonna waste my time thinking about puny bastards in my head? 

No. It's time to grow up. I should be more concern to other people who needs me instead. But for now I still have to finish my responsibilities for my family. This incentive is really helpful that I came up with a thought you might find worth noting.

Follow your heart. Do what you think is right as long as you're not intentionally hurting anyone.

Take risk; it doesn't always gonna end up bad but rather surprising.

Don't think that problems are pests in your life; people might find you weird if you're always happy.

Take time helping other people; the world doesn't revolve around you, you know.

Dream every chance you get; luck never closes it's doors.

Be open to possibilities; a twist in your life could be exciting.

Learn to appreciate small things; it makes life more meaningful.

Be humble; not just because you're good at it, but because you don't want to disappoint people.

Be you; don't live behind the mask. 

And lastly.

Take time to be thankful to Him.

If life's a dish, He's the chef that cooks it to a perfect taste that suits us best. :)

I love how people on tumblr gives back love when you gave them one. One day I was bored, and I decided to send messages to my new followers. thecrazyfilipino's answer caught my attention most. She's really cute (no homo) and a lot people love's her eyes. Some of her followers even liked my message. So I guess I did a pretty good job. ^_^

No Time For Drama

It just kills me everytime I helped someone and they'll end up better.

This curse started when I was a kid. When my cousin asked my help by teaching her how to wear proper clothes. She didn't have much knowledge for fashion yet. And since I'm two years older, I did helped her, knowing it was a good thing to do. Few days later, her mom bought bunch of new clothes and some of them were EXACTLY like mine. I got upset. My mom wouldn't buy me numerous clothes for it's a waste of money. I don't have any choice but to forget it.

Years gone by. And my curse just kept on happening.

It's like living in a world full of jealousy and disappointments.

I know, I don't have to take this kind of stuff seriously. It's not like I own this kind of problem myself. But you can't blame me for such attitude i'm in to right now. Iv'e put a lot of effort on my words and shits but still it wasn't good enough. I need to find myself and see what i'm good at. I'm now 18 and I still don't know my worth. For those people who never encounter such pride-swallowing situation, you are fortunate. I envy you, A LOT.

Once again my self-reverence has drop down to it's worst level. And everytime this happens, my food consumption epically rises without thinking of the ugly outcome of my action. That's right, food. It's the only thing at the moment that keeps me away from misery. The more I tried, the more failures I get. Sometimes I thought of this as a reversed blessing. The absolution started when i was born, then now it's on its way to hell.

But now that I'm getting older each day, I have to set my mind to a mature level. It's time to end the drama and to cut this pride loose. Pour down all disappointments and I'm sure I'll be your one hell of a fan. I'm just saying. I think it's time to open myself to much greater opportunity. Gotta set aside old, pointless and unfinished thoughts. Now all I wanna do is to break free to the wilderness of judgments. So, FAIL ME ALL YOU WANT, and I'd welcome you with my deepest and sincerest piece of appreciation. :)

I don't even have the guts to share this on FB

Just this morning I saw a video on tumblr. A video of a girl describing herself. I find her inspiring, with her braveness telling her flaws and her negative aspects. Her description of herself was never far from mine. And since I just started this blog on April 2010, I might as well be open for my readers (if i have some :( )

So hello guys. I'm "Lady nonexistence".

Pretty much not like those average girls.

I have thousands of flaws.

A lot of people, yes a lot of them, have been accusing me that I'm gay. But the fact is, I'm not. They badly want me to have a boyfriend so that they'd stop accusing for such a thing. I don't like having one either. But I'm never close to possibilities. Anyway~

I don't wear heels, I wear glasses, and wearing skirts, tank tops or colorful make up is never on my list-to-do. It's senseless.

I listen to hardrock songs, alternative rock or even screamos, but i do listens to some RnB's, acoustics and pop just to keep me updated to the other world.

I am terribly AWKWARD. I only survive talking to someone for like 5 minutes, and after that, I'm completely blanked out. I don't know. Maybe I'm just not good at verbal communications.

I am not intelligent. Failing grades are my buddies. Nuff said.

My physical appearance is a disappointment. I don't have long shiny hair that other girls have. I am not even a size zero. Coz I eat a lot (and I don't see any problem with that). Beauty seemed to have turned it's back on me. But I don't care. It's not that I'm bragging or anything, but I do have some suitors.

But despite these flaws and negativity, I still got my friend/s.

No, maybe I just have one... two... or three but there's just there. (zero cheeziness)

And I'm thankful that I don't have any haters....yet. But maybe I do have some. Just stalking around and secretly planning something evil against me.

But I hope not. I'm trying to be as approachable and less loner as I can possibly be.

With all these uninteresting characters, it's just made me more numb and stronger each day.

I don't need all the good stuffs just to make myself feel good. Even if sometimes it wakes my tears at night (no I am not fragile). I'm still me. And no one can change that except Him.

Ghostly Poem

Once upon a time, there was you and me,

It started with a "hi" and then there was "we".

It was great, you and I, we were unexpectedly awesome,

We can't even tell where this feeling's coming from.

So we walked, we talked all day long,

We laughed, we sang our favorite song.

Each day was fun, there was never a problem,

Isn't it perfect?..this is really something.

But came one night, as i was walking in the dark,

Alone, in a cold gloomy street without a spark.

Young man in a corner hit me with a knife,

Bloody event that ruined my precious life.

Now I am nothing but a single memory,

Our adventure has now ended for you and me.

The life we thought that was priceless and perfect,

Has now come to an end from an unfortunate tragic.

Thank you for the time we've spent, you were a blessing,

And I'm sorry if I left, you don't deserve this ending.

Farewell for now, my time has arrived,

But I'm pretty sure dear we'll soon meet on the other side.

ANGEL

As i was on my way inside the school, i saw a girl who's sitting on a waiting shed. She was so quiet that she heard all kinds of steps as random people passed her. But none of them saw her. Like a lost invisible soul waiting to be found. Despite this, i saw her smiled at me. Like problem is nowhere in her vocabulary. So i started walking towards her. But as i stepped closer, her face started to gloom. So i stopped. Maybe she finds me annoying so i went inside the school anyway.

Soon the class was over, and i was hoping to see the girl i just saw that morning. Excited, I went out of the school immediately. But she's already gone. Not a single trace of her was found. But wait, I noticed something was left. I went closer to the waiting shed where the mysterious girl sat. It was a big notebook. Like some sort of diary. I assumed it was the girl who owns it. Little did i know it may have belonged to someone else. But i kept it anyway, i put it on my bag and went home.

I wanted to know whats inside the notebook. Hoping to know more about it's owner. I opened the first page without hesitation. The title was "HER STORY". I do respect her privacy but there's something pushing me to read more. It's like my conscience told me to keep going. And so, i did. I turned the book to it's second page and..... "what the!!!" Startled of what i just read that i accidentally dropped the book.The story was about me. On how i started my life on this planet. I don't know what i felt at that moment. It's like i was flattered and greatly stupefy at the same time. Trying to take the edge off, i continued reading. And there i read my life. Like she was really here every moment i spent on my days and even nights. Through my ecstatic and despairing moments. The notebook was thick so i decided to stop reading. Later on i felt so worried about myself. It gave me the heebie-jeebies thinking that maybe someone's watching me that very evening. I let it rest. Maybe i was caught on a stupid limbo.

Another morning came. I went to school thinking everything was perfectly fine. But then again I saw the girl. That mysterious girl who sat on the waiting shed, alone. She smiled at me like she expected me to come. Without hesitation, I confronted her hoping that she would enlightened me. But she just told one simple thing.."You know me very well. You may not see me often, but trust me, i'm here. I know you have a lot of questions. Just live, and answers will find it's way to you."

After telling me that, I looked deep in her eyes. It's like iv'e known her all my life. It didn't felt awkward at all. Later on, she told that she has to go and she has to take her notebook. I asked her where she was heading but she refused to state specific place and just said she'll go somewhere near. I didn't want her to leave yet. There's so much thing i wanna ask. She told me that i should go because i'm already late for school. I forgot i had a class that time. I gave her the notebook, and I quickly ran inside the school, panicking that i might end up absent on my first subject. I took one last glance at her but when i looked back, she was gone.

As i enter my classroom quietly, i noticed they were only few of them inside. I asked my classmate if the class was over but he said "Eh? Class don't start till 8am and it's still 7:30...

Well that was a relief. But i remembered talking to that girl like for an hour. How's that possible?

Days have passed. Not a shadow of the mysterious girl showed.

Weeks... Im still hoping to see her.

Months.. My hopes are beginning to dissipate.

Years... I barely remembered her face. But my confusion was never gone. It's already tattooed in my past. After my time comes to an end, i'm hoping that i could read that notebook again. Something I wanna do before departing to the other side. My story, written by someone I am not quite sure who. Someone who knows me very well but.... i don't even know her name. I know she's here. So near that I can say anything to her and I know she hears it. Somewhere, watching me. Waiting for my next chapter to come.

NO EMO.

Going to school each day has now become my daily burden. Walking through the halls and going to the canteen....alone. This happened for quite some time now. I don't have the time to bother my situation either. But the more I thought about it, the more confused i am as to why this happens to me. So i begun to analyze certain facts.

Last semester, friends that i usually go with at school are girls that are bisexuals. I know right? They admire people with their same sex *uugh~*. I'm not one of them by the way, that's fosho.

But now they are on a different schedule. Others already got their own set of friends. And i'm the only one that's left alone. *sobs* Anyway, now i only got friends during classes. A time where everybody's quiet and listens to the teacher. Though some of them do invited me on different hangouts, but i just don't know how to fit into their own languages. They're so mature. All they thought about were parties and sex. And i cannot relate to those kinds of stuffs, shizz. I also thought that some of them are homophobes. Maybe they thought that i'm gay and find it awkward talking to me. Or maybe they thought that i might actually court them one by one. Like SERIOUSLY???

*sighs* This issue made me so insensitive. It's just so hard to accept that i'm now a loner in my own school. This is not me. I even go to school late "on purpose" so that i won't have to wait for the class to start, alone. I don't even have a freakin' boyfriend!(ignore) Wait, am i getting dramatic here? NO. My life now is so much far from what i expected it to be. Im MONOPHOBIC for heaven's sake! Being alone is like death to me. A soul sucking monster that drags my inner reputation to infinity. :(

Geeeez, i wish i'm in a different school right now. To where my real friends at.

TO ALL.

I know you guys miss the old me, from when i was 15 and wore only shirts. I miss the old me too. I miss being able to express myself and not care what anyone said. I'm sorry if my music is different. But the thing is, i'm already 18. I'm not the same person I was 3 years ago. And I bet that all of you aren't either. I know I said that some people never change. But then again, some people do. I did. I'm happy now. I like the music i'm writing. I like my friends. And sure, I miss the friends I had. I miss the people who left because I changed. Give me some time. I won't disappoint you. I'm still Shannon. I'll always be, Shannon.

P.S

A simple note from Ryan Ross. I just edited some sentences guys. I did not made that letter. :)

BEST PETS

That is my new kitteh "kibs".I named him kibs because of his tail. As you can see, he doesn't have a tail. Cebuanos called it kibol. Anyway, he is my new best pet. I got him as my pet afterMelai (first best pet) died.

We spoil kibs a lot. Feed him 5 meals a day, feed him vitamins and let him sleep his ass out all day long.

I love this cat. Even if he annoys me everytime i'm studying. Like what he did on that picture(upper). I was studying for my statistics examination. Right after i put my stuffs on my bed, there, slept his ass over my things. And i love my cat for that.

But i still can't forget Melai. If i didn't found my first pet, i will never learn how to love cats.

(r.i.p melai October 2009 - April 2010)

LoL

Random quote.

I cant afford to lose this on my tumblr dashboard so might as well post this here.

No i am not good at editing. i know.

By the way, just because i made that quote doesn't mean i can relate to it. NO!

I ran out of brainshits, that's all. ^_^

I just have to :)

I have to post this here so it won't be hard for me to listen and watch this video again. I love them!! And cool lyrics (bisan wa kaayo ko ka relate)^_^

Lyrics to Kids In Love :
I look back to the one and only summer time
And my girl was the envy of every friend of mine
She slept safely in my arms
We were so young and invincible

Closed lips, she was never one to kiss and tell
Those trips in the summer never went so well
Young love is such dumb love
Call it what you want it was still enough

And you're still out of me reach
And you're still all of the things
That I want in my life
How could I ask you to leave me?

And we were just kids in love
The summer was full of mistakes we wouldn't learn from
The first kiss stole the breath from my lips
Why did the last one tare us apart?

Our breath smelled of cigarettes and alcohol
We'd walk down the beach counting every star
Our hearts beat inside our chest
Leaving us gasping for every breath

Her smile with the wind blowing through her hair
Was so contagious in the air
So satisfying and I'm still smiling

And you're still out of my reach
And you're still all of the things
That I want in my life
How could I ask you to leave me?

And we were just kids in love
The summer was full of mistakes we wouldn't learn from
The first kiss stole the breath from my lips
Why did the last one tare us apart?

We're falling down, can we pick up the pieces?
We're at an all time low, how do we get it back?
We're falling down, can we pick up the pieces?

We're falling down, can we pick up the pieces now?

And we were just kids in love
The summer was full of mistakes we wouldn't learn from
The first kiss stole the breath from my lips
Why did the last one tare us....

We were just kids in love
The summer was full of mistakes we wouldn't learn from
The first kiss stole the breath from my lips
Why did the last one tare us apart?

We were just kids in love
The summer was full of mistakes we wouldn't learn from
The first kiss stole the breath from my lips
Why did the last one tare us apart?

My Life since~

My life since June 27, 2010. sunday

I went up from bed.

Ate my breakfast and went to Mactan Cebu International Airport.

Worked my ass out (and texting at the same time c: ).

Got pissed for certain reason.

Was quiet.

Got pawned by scaring the shit out of me (they were terrible T^T).

Was quiet.

Got tripped on the stairs and injured my toes (i ♥ my life).

Went home under-time.

Mom and nanay got angry because i fell down the stairs. (wtf).

I ate my supper.

Slept.

Next day..Monday.

I went up from bed.

Wasn't felt good at all.

I was thinking..kept Thinking.. *@!#?#$%*^%^*

I opened my facebook.

Mom just liked my status about marijuana, WEIRD. *0*

Bi-polar strikes (yes, i am aware of it).

I ate my breakfast/lunch.

Went to school.

First subject was good.

Second subject : STATISTICS

"F#@k, i forgot to buy scientific calculator! T^T"

So I didn't attend my statistics class.

Flunked our very first quiz, and my first absent this school year.

My Life

-bow-

I Love You?

I love you. Three words commonly used by lovers. Words that are mere meaningless for me. They're nothing but words spelled as i-l-o-v-e-y-o-u and enunciate with exaggerating feelings making it more romantic. Well, maybe i'm just acting jerk. For i don't actually know how it feels if someone tells me that. *goosebumps*. Though a lot of random ghastly guys may have said that through texts. But instead of feeling blissful, i kind of felt insulted. I don't know. Didn't sound decent. For me, words like "i like you" or "i admire you" are much more noteworthy. I'm just saying. I mean, we're still teenagers. We haven't gone through enough experience to say that we are indeed "in-love" (ugh~). But, if you are really in love then i am more than happy to hear that. I am just expressing my personal thought upon a certain word that doesn't really have any meaning to me, yet. Another peice of my life. I don't mean to disregard people's beliefs, i swear. Please don't feel offended friends, i like you. :)

LOL

Because of my laziness, I decided to set aside my on going story and maybe continue it next year. Oh you didn't know about it? (view older posts). That's fine. Didn't noticed it myself either. It was just like some sort of diarrhea that I need to let go of and hope it wont happen again,but i know it will. Maybe it's time to face the inevitable truth that writing stories isn't really my talent. Though there are certain scenes of great stories I thought about, but i can't put it into writings. I don't know how to start off a good story. Want me to make it sound worst? I can't play the guitar that well, I can't make a good story ,I don't even know how to freakin' use adobe photoshop and I can't deal with sarcasm. I know last one's a little bit polesapart. Anyway, maybe I will someday retain myself for doing what i've started.

Someday, somehow. Two to five encouragements might do ~> "impossible". :)